Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Spondylosis Cortisone

With a board and a hard man out of trouble

Several readers have written to us for advice on certain very specific problems they face. Pity for their sorrows, we have put our extensive knowledge at your disposal. Due to lack of space, we selected the most dramatic cases, which we present below.

(Photo: Michele Constantini)


Gentlemen

Over several years I have developed the habit of talking to myself. It is not something that I feel particularly proud of, but as I never do in public, I do not upset anyone. In addition, ground me good advice. But that's not my problem. My problem is that lately I've noticed that I did not move me unless I talk to myself with a foreign accent. English, Argentinean, English, French, I do not care, but has to be an accent on the outside. If I try to talk with my natural accent, I find myself ignoring me or sending me to shut up. This makes me very upset with myself. Also, do not my strong accent and I find it very difficult. Please advise me what I can do to remedy this problem.

Sincerely,

-Monoilógico


Dear Monkey:

What you are experiencing is a very common disorder in today's society: the Malinche introvert. So entrenched is in some countrymen the idea that foreigners know more than those here, which gives automatic preference who says things with a foreign accent, although they say mere nonsense. We recommend you explain to himself, calmly, that while there are many developments abroad, being from here is not necessarily a disadvantage because it has a much closer view of local problems. If that fails, we recommend moving to another country where they speak a different language. So you can talk with his accent here, with the difference that in this country, be a foreign accent.

Sincerely,

- Staff of chattering neurons

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Dear Sirs: Recently

wanted to surprise my husband for our wedding anniversary and without saying anything, I went to the office of plastic surgeon I did some tinkering with the nose, the buttocks and the boobies. I also sculpted the abdomen and waist gave me I never had and I always wanted. But when I stood before my husband, he left home in disgust. My attempts to fix things failed and now he wants a divorce me. But the worst I've heard that is coming out with the accountant of his office, a woman older, fatter and more ugly as I was before. Even his voice is most unpleasant. Im really very depressed. Help me understand this.

Sincerely,

-Rebuilt and Confused Dear


Rebuilt:

Many men prefer to have a wife repulsive to avoid the hard work of keeping out potential competitors. Now that you've done the bad work make desirable, the poor man has suffered a panic attack and was gone for another that will provide for domestic tranquility are looking for. If you recall, there is no alternative: you have to return to the operating room to re-install your nose before you deflate the bust and make you drop the seat. And the next you want to surprise your husband, better buy him a sweater.

Sincerely,

-The Staff of chattering neurons.

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Gentlemen

Working as a stylist in my own salon, which has a large sophisticated clientele, willing to pay handsomely for my hair (I prefer to call " hair sculptures ", but name still has not found acceptance among my clients). Apparently I'm happy, but I have a very tricky secret. You see, I'm straight. I have not told anyone, I am sure that if you come to know, I'll lose everything. The weight of the secret haunts me and I have caused several nervous breakdowns, because the idea of \u200b\u200bbeing caught me a galloping paranoia. What I can do? Cut women's hair is my life.

Sincerely,

-Edward Scissorhands Thinning


Dear Boy:

If you had gone to another counselor, you probably would have said that your sexual preference is not what matters, but your ability to cut and styling. But you well know that this is not true. A heterosexual man who works as a stylist is unheard of and produces distrust between husbands and boyfriends of the customers. Our advice: to take away the fear of getting caught, let's pretend gay and become a real gay. We understand it is not so complicated, because the prisoners in jails do it all the time. However, if you want to visit a correctional facility and would like a more gradual change in preference, or you could start testing with transvestites and go from there. Remind us when you Stylist of the Year.

Greetings,

-Staff of chattering neurons
Posted by admin at 11:18 AM 0 comments

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Subtitles For Glucosamine

There is no worse deaf as those who can hear

(Image: Chris Ryan )

During my youth, my parents repeatedly recommended me not to listen to music at volume so high, because I would be deaf. If only they had not ignored!

For a long time, I was convinced that my years of visiting clubs had left my inner ear as devastated as the center of Hiroshima after we dropped the atomic bomb left over. Galloping I developed tinnitus in my teens seemed to confirm my assumption. However, this is far from sad, gave me some tranquility.

Because if it is true that to be completely deaf no longer a tragedy, be moderately deaf is an advantage when you live in a modern city. The hard of the street may pass through without having to carry headphones or earplugs to silence the screams of the pedestrians and the generous use horn drivers. What happens when you are indoors? Well, let's face it, most things you hear every day are mere trifles. In the case of the really important information, usually comes in written form.

But a couple of months ago I began to glimpse the possibility that I might not be so deaf as claimed be. I was having lunch at home as happy as I felt my eardrums to be outraged by an unbearable screech so acute that if someone had decided to scratch a chalkboard at that moment, the resulting grinding made in fashion of a sweet melody. With hands covering my ears, I sought the source of so obnoxious cacophony, which happened to be my sister, I watched intently as I pointed his cell. Did you hear that? , I asked. That day I learned two things: first, that my sister has a sadistic streak care, and second, that belong to the small number of individuals who can perceive high frequency sounds after twenty-five.

Little did I imagine how bad it was going to be part of this elite group of hearing until I got home on Friday. Opening the door I was greeted by a shrill sound of unknown origin, like my tinnitus , but much stronger. I thought it might be my sister again, but no. The sound came from outside, probably from some ill-fitting home alarm. I went to visit the neighborhood several times but could not determine the source of sound, and so I can not require someone to do something to eliminate it. Moreover, as is the weekend, it is unlikely that something can be done by Monday.

Meanwhile, I have no choice to endure. I closed doors and windows, but as this is a high frequency sound, through glass and walls like butter. The only solution I've found not to listen is to fill my ears with loud music, so that the beep does not have space in which to reach my eardrums. In this way, I think that I will hold until the beep is gone or I completely deaf. My mother told me something that sounded like a "Pyrrhic victory", but as I read her lips and she did not put it in writing, I'm not sure.
Posted by admin at 10:07 AM 0 comments
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